love makes seman taste better
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize