I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
