We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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