she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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