The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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