Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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