just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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