not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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