So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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