i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
