Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
