before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
