Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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