My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
