On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
