Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
