im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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