Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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