I feel like I'm in dance class right now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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