Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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