i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
