Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
