can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
