that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's always time for handjobs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
