I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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