Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
