My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Two words: blizzard sex
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
