Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
