dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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