I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
