Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
