I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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