I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Too much gin, very little bucket
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
