Who did Billy Mays play for?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
