Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Green mimosas i think yes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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