I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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