His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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