If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
