it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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