So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
