this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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