i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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