woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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