you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
