i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
