I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
