just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
