Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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