Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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