Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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