Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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