tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
