I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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