I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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