I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
