Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize