I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
