he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
