No stitches, just platelets and will power
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
