The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
