last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
