he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to be your penis for a week.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
