you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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