ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
