Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
