LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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