he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I checked into jail on foursquare
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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