the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
