I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you didnt know i had herpes?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
