I could have mohawked her pubes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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