the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
